Before anyone else.
lwsnbaker.eth
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December 31st, 2022
a recap on 2022 and what it means to be BAE

“BAE” pronounced bā is generally thought of as slang for someone you love or, better yet, an Internet meme for anything loved. So popular, its usage knows no bounds functioning as a noun, pronoun, and even a verb.

For us, it's grown from a nickname L used for Kennedy to eventually a name our friends gave both of us - The BAEs. It is so prolific, that it’s used from group chat names and our own cryptocurrency to our family logo.

The irony and the weight of our usage are not lost on us. We’ve spent many dinners contemplating what BAE means and why it matters. Today, the concept of BAE drives many of our major life decisions.

Speaking of decisions, this year we took the plunge, and are now expecting our first child - yes, a “baeby”. As we prepare for parenthood, we define the framework BAE as a lesson for how we want to live with each other, our children, and ourselves.

What it means to be BAE
What it means to be BAE

So here it is - what it means to be BAE.

Wondering, Wander Where, Here When, Now Loving ambitiously Before anyone else.

Wondering, Wander

A scientist and a founder walk into a bar. It becomes a playground.

Kennedy and I live in a state of curiosity - the forever wonder. This creates a natural stream of topics to discuss, debate, and iterate upon. From trying out a new painting technique to how to lead our respective teams through the jungle of innovation, we rely on our expertise but frequently wonder aloud on our morning walks through Prospect Park and over Kennedy’s otherworldly dinners at home.

Speaking of home, we spent much of the past few years wandering the globe as Covid propelled us into remote work - something we wrote about in our 2020 letter. TBH - each location felt more like a home than something remote. Within just a few days we have stories of “remember when we lived in…” Maybe this is uniquely us, or maybe home truly moves to where the BAE’s are. Or, maybe there is something more primal - humans have a longer history of being nomadic than we have in cities. Not to mention - being on foot improves one's ability to wonder (See Plato and a long list of other philosophers).

Settling into a brownstone in Bed-Stuy (do or die) Brooklyn last fall, we spent most of the year exploring the boroughs of New York. While traveled a lot this year - Bahamas, New Orleans (Mardi Gras), Little Rock (2x), San Francisco (2x), Houston, San Diego, Paris (FR), Chicago, Nashville (2x), Sewanee, Memphis (2x), Mexico City, Valladolid (MX), Bacalar (MX), and - as I type this - Mérida (MX)) - we felt strangely stationary. Coco, our Pomeranian, stayed back on many of these trips having recently cracked Sweet 16. However, the stationary feeling is more of a function of our intentions - exploring New York as a home - than our reality.

By the Summer of 2022, the New Analogs were born. More than an event or a group, the New Analogs is a way of living without Internet-connected devices by relying on your senses and being present. No, the device can’t be powered down. Leave it at home. The path is broken on foot and by subway maps, fed through barista brunch recommendations, and oiled in underground establishments found by the very nature of being more present with our surroundings. The smell of grilled food and the people standing outside will tell you more than the number of stars on Google. Create more beautiful memories, too.

Polaroids from the New Analogs
Polaroids from the New Analogs

Where, Here

Before we met, Kennedy got two grounding tattoos - on the left foot, “Where | Here” and, on the right foot, “When | Now”. Around the same time as the tattoos, I was traveling Peru “::finding cynthia::”. Naturally, these tattoos and L’s journey led to more than permanent ink. Each asks and answers - a way of living.

Looking at Where, Here - L hears a lot of searching for acceptance, familiar, maybe even home and definitely the present. For Kennedy, it’s similar, though she says more than ‘searching’ it’s ‘finding’.

Exiting lockdown, it felt natural to ironically lockdown a place to live - an end to nomadic life. A year and a half later and we openly discuss what feels more like a mistake in a way of thinking more than a mistake in a particular location choice. The BAEs are everywhere and nowhere all at once. Our Where is always Here.

Looking at this reality of self, late this year we reworked our 2020 framework for what makes the perfect place to live. Presenting a baeby to the world makes this question ever eligible. Like a first step, we plan the next step - a move in the next year. But, we’ll save more on that update for next time.

“Slow down, slow downThe fire’s burning againSlow down, slow downWe’ll make it back my friend.”~ Paul Cuathen “Slow Down” on Room 41

When, Now

Being present is a lot of what it takes to be BAE. Not tomorrow. Not after one more thing. The meeting does not take priority. When, now. Losing his wife almost a decade ago, L can confidently state that being present in the now was the best gift she gave him.

As the years pass, the speed of loss seems to accelerate - Granger McDaniel (2011), Cynthia (2013), Nana (2013), Wei Chen (2018), L’s Grandmom Dorthy Spiotta (2020), Carolyn (2021), L’s Grandad Gene Spiotta Sr. (2021), Brent Renau (2022), and L’s Memaw Anne Baker (2022) - and a foreign feeling now feels practiced though no less profound. Practice in the ever-present reality that the only when is now.

This year the opportunity allowed L to pay tribute to a friend, Brent Renaud, the first journalist lost in the war in Ukraine. Then, a few months later L gave a eulogy for his Memaw (Facebook Live, starts at the 42:00 mark). Only a few minutes from the farm L grew up on and inside a small Baptist he knew inside and out, L spent his time wondering aloud where home and Memaw are. The answer and ending - “Memaw is home. Memaw is in our memories.”

Loving ambitiously

Before closing out what it means to be BAE, we wrote simply “loving ambitiously.” Not just each other - but everyone. Friends, family, and even strangers. The ultimate expression of the verb, BAE.

Something inherent in the statement is the idea that there is no comfort zone for love. Like a wondering scientist and a wandering explorer, you must love uncharted territory to be ambitious about it. It’s not simply everyone is a friend, it’s the idea that you can find a way to love the collective we and the individuals of me’s. And while this is rewarding most of the time, no ideal fits neatly in reality; it’s bloody on the frontier. To love you must expose. And, not everyone loves the me.

This pursuit, however, helps refine - who truly is before anyone else.

Before anyone else.

BAE or “before anyone else” is fundamentally inclusive. While we think of ourselves as the BAEs, anyone who can be bae. Bae is the choice of love over fear. The choice of recognizing love as it’s woven into life. Recognizing tradeoffs instead of denying consequence. Seeing the world through layers of “and'' instead of divisions of “or”. Bae is the conscious conflation of what it means to live and to love.

Formerly known as Faith Kennedy McDaniel, Kennedy is changing her name to “Kennedy McDaniel Bae.” And, formerly known as Lawson Reid Baker, Lawson is changing their name to “Lawson Reid Bae” and, if you’re bae, just call me “L”.

Thanks for reading. For a peek into the rest of our year, here are some highlights from 2022:

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